Sunday blues: How to walk away
If you are reading this article to find out how to walk away, walk away. I am not telling you that. I have just had the realization that sometimes how to walk away is not the option to choose. You might be never okay again. You might be sick for life. And, this is how it is. Sometimes, you just don’t heal. I am just sharing a few stories of people who live their life the way it has been, without walking away.
- A sex worker who is a software engineer by profession and transgender by sex married a married man and fed his family for 20 years only to be left and abandoned by both his and her own families. Do you want her to walk away? Her saddest memories are her only memories. Her traumas of marrying a married man are entangled with her happiness of marrying someone who professed his love for her. She was always dealing with scantiness and never had enough good options to choose the best one. She just dared to walk away from a parasitic relationship when it was not serving her. But, how do you expect her to walk away from all the feelings and emotions which are tightly configured with her life? She is 70 now. She does not have much time, resources, or opportunities to form new memories- happy ones. And, happiness is never a guarantee.
- Another person who has a child from an unhappy marriage was forced to marry someone who she never knew before. They both are nice and it is just not working out because of the extended family. The limits of career and life are deciding factors. She still has a lot of hopes for the future — she is still not 70, like the earlier woman. She wants to fall for the positivity jargon of all the contemporary progress mindset trends. Even her close friends dare not tell her to walk away if it is not working because not of them are really sure- none of them are future tellers.
- A woman who is trying to marry again after giving up her child from her old marriage to her in-laws and leaving her past husband is also trying to walk away. It might appear not so outrageous that a mom is trying to walk away from her kid but, is it all she wants? Her own family wants her to marry again and get a life, so to say. She is not working. Without her future prospect, no one is going to marry her. She is working hard for that. What if she becomes successful? Would she like to move on from her child as a self-made woman who does not need external support to make ends meet? all in all, will she move on even if she becomes successful?
- A woman who is in a successful career with grown-up kids and her husband, never actually moved on from her dreams to become an artist. She is censored on how to live on every step by her husband and family and she feels suffocated. She does not want to move away, no matter how hard she wants to move on.
Wait, am I only talking about women? Let us talk about men.
- A married man in an extramarital affair with someone because he does not want to move away but has moved on to someone else is too typical to elaborate. I won’t go there and discuss that in detail. Let us talk about some other men.
- A man who is a successful businessman traveling in a public bus is not always a sight. But, this man ends up telling his biggest regret of not marrying the woman he liked after a decade-old relationship. He married another girl arranged by his parents. he says both of them are nice. He was naive for not being aware that moving away is not a real thing.
- Long story short, an Auto driver who was once in Airforce never moved from his second love and ruined his marriage until one day he told me. I only asked him what he is doing to compensate for punishing his poor wife who has no other means and resources except him for love, respect, and livelihood. My question answered a lot of his dilemmas. I don’t know if he actually went to give her flowers as I told him. But, he promised, you know.
My conclusion is as incomplete as my documentation of several experiences to be duly filled with hope and despair, facts and fiction, imagination and depiction, and of course, melodies. I don’t think that moving on is a real thing until the incident in question is purely bad- consists only of hate, contempt, mind games, trauma, insult, and neglect. You can move away provided it only and purely hurts.
I am missing a song never written
a melody, I remember, never sung
a movie about us never screened
I miss you, your voice, your love
I miss the you in you who I loved
Do you miss yourself,
the way you used to be
in love with me
So guys, what are the solutions? I told you this post is not about solutions and here’s why.
There are no solutions. There are patterns. When you are hurt by love, you are cursed by love. Following are the things you might end up doing.
- killing yourself. It is a pattern. A lot of people commit suicide in love. But is it a solution?
- Becoming someone of prestige and power to show off that nothing can let you drown. It is a pattern, which I personally don’t recommend. In love, you are already your most beautiful version, of course with flaws. The goal after being dumped should be to stay beautiful with a few lesser flaws. You still don’t need to be flawless. You can have a mediocre career with a good heart. That’s the real treasure. I am telling you from experience that I have found some most beautiful people who work hard on mediocre levels without an ounce of desire to broadcast.
- Stay silent and let it pass. It is a pattern I prefer the most. If everything is a pattern, committing to one makes me lose my sense of agency for the obvious implication that you don’t really apply the brain when resorting to a pattern. But, if you are on second-order thought to choose the least counterproductive pattern; and you choose to let your feeling sink in and stay calm in the meantime, you do make a difference. At least you applied your brain to resort to the least counterproductive method. That decision tells that you are brainy. But, …
- You can actually go for honor killing instead of acting brainy. Emotions at times do drive reasons crazy. So, what do you think? Do you have enough bodily and mental strength to choose the third option?
- Taylor Swift method. Write a song. Create a melody. Synchronize with the feelings of millions of other lovers. Grieve together in harmony. And, let the love prevail over.